THE BRIDE: COURTSHIP BETROTHAL MARRIAGE IN A TYPICAL TRADITIONAL JUKUN WANU DOMAINS BY HRH DR SABO AJIDOKU EMMANUEL

 THE BRIDE: COURTSHIP BETROTHAL MARRIAGE IN A TYPICAL TRADITIONAL JUKUN WANU DOMAINS 

BY

HRH DR SABO AJIDOKU EMMANUEL

Way back in the Garden of Eden was the premier marriage contract between Adam and Eve.  There is no any record somewhere yet, as regards courtship, betrothal before the marriage actually took place. All there is to remember today; they got married through the instrumentality of the divine declaration by or of God the creator of heaven and earth.

Soon afterwards, the society grew bigger and the earth inhabitants began to reproduce and multiply. Peoples were seen establishing nations, kingdoms, empires, towns and villages. The world population began to surge as a result of procreation via the institution of marriage between a man and a woman. This union must satisfy certain basic requirements to authenticate its legitimacy. Thus the ordinances and the laws of a given society, a community of varied cultures and traditions must be respected. At this, juncture, it is a constraint to delve into the saga of all marriages, the naivety all put together to give a vivid and analytical surgical operation on how global marriages are conducted. This piece is therefore restrictive to courtship betrothal and marriage in Jukun Wanu territorial domains or lands. There is no claim of monopoly of knowledge concerning this tempting subject of discourse in a discussion of this nature. After all, it is basically concerned with the traditional aspect of marriage in Awanu land using the Abise (Abinsi) experience perhaps as a reflection or a litmus test.

Now, think of any marriage and what do you see? The bride is the object of attraction. For millions of Christians, Jews, agnostics, aetheists and just plain romantics, all around the world, the picture is the same: a radiant creature properly dressed according to the culture and tradition of the people, or locality. Nostalgic, traditional, and more often than not, ludicrously extravagant. Whatever is skimped on this day of days, the bride is going to look right; a vision, she and her moist-eyed mother (and with luck, the bridegroom too) will remember for the rest of their lives.

So, in most cases, courtship begins, the moment a boy sees a girl and picks interest on her. If she concords to his proposals, that marks the beginning of the romantic relationship. Then, there will be routine visitations, and clandestine follow-ups. There are times that marriage proposals are initiated by the boy’s parents. Contracting this kind of arrangements, a lot of credentials are left to vouch. The girls family and the boy’s family backgrounds are being thoroughly investigated first. Even the boy’s and the girl’s attitudes are taken into cognizance and must be examined as well. Having been satisfied with the preliminary conditionalities, courtship that had since started with the early declaration by the two parties will now pave way for betrothal. While courtship was at the formative stage the lovers are not supposed to have any carnal knowledge of each other until after the marriage, no matter how long it will take. They have to maintain courtly love.

At the betrothal or engagement segment, the boy’s parents will probe properly into the girl’s family history before taking this bold step of venturing into this serious contract. The girl’s parents shall also screen the boy’s family history, devoid of any long feuds, debts, characterized social stigma etc. Having met with the conditionalities both parents can now settle down for some serious business. The boy’s parent will now push a go-between known as ‘akikpo’ to the girl’s parents to kick start the negotiations and introduction processes. At the scene of negotiation are usually the girl’s parents,. Then the ‘akikpo’ who has in her custody, the bride price and some often valuables as culture and tradition may demand. In most cases, the girl’s consent concerning the proposals are inconsequential. If the parents of the girl are satisfied, those items being brought by ‘akikpo’ will be accepted. In an event in which there were some observations, they will reject the bride price. Now, on the ground that all went well for the both sides, in-lawship duties and obligations now begin. The ‘akikpo’ will be paying regular visits to their in-laws. The boys parents shall also from time to time be paying similar visits to the in-laws as well. They can show appreciation by some tokens of gifts such as: fish, cooking condiments, drinks to their in-laws. The suitor shall always pay visits to the in-laws house in the mornings precisely at cock-crow, at dawn, or in the evenings after meals. He shall invite his would-be wife for chattings, lubricating their relationship from time to time. But they must keep distance as far as fidelity is concerned. It is worth knowing that as soon as the bride price and other requirements have been accepted by the in-laws, the girl is not supposed to bring another person for marriage, stressing that the  marriage process has begun and so, no bigamy. Thus, handfasting or betrothal has already be done and both parents shall abide by it.

Before the day of marriage ceremony, the boy’s parents must have by now met up with the nitty gritty, to usher in successes of the events. Of paramount importance are the barns, granaries, the faggots, woods to make fire, farm labour, the parameter fencing etc. Usually, the marriage festivity takes one week to climax. When the marriage date or day has been fixed, the grains for the brewing of the local liguor known as burukutu or ‘asha’, the gruel or ‘asoh’ shall be soaked to commence the process. Closely followed by other preparations that are on top gear as both in-laws are set for the occasion. The bride will now be scouted for, hunted for lifting by a group of very strong and energetic young boys. When sighted, she will be pursued, captured and be lifted up which always attracts commotions and pandemonium from bride who is not willing to part with her moist- eyed mother, sisters and other relations in the house. A situation that can be best described as oxymoron. The bride remains in incarceration and always observing fasting and breaking at dusk in her parents house. On the 7th day, the day of her official outing from the incarceration room, she will be elegantly dressed with all the cosmetics, jewelries and trinkets such as: ‘Atangude’, ‘Adugbo’, ‘akye’ ‘awolowolo’, ‘abida’, looking brownish in her ‘lalle’ dye, or henna and other customed ornaments that soothe the occasion. All this jollity was accompanied by cacophonous drums, chorus of maidens singing the praises of the bride and groom, entreating songs, god of marriage look upon the union with an especially benign eye; for procreation was the patriotic theme of the age.

On the second day of the marriage feast, the bride and her maids shall clean compounds, wash the cooking utensils and demonstrate her expertise at the cookers for her willingness and capability to serve her husband well. On the third day, she will again do the cleanings and other chores and will be expected to leave for her husband’s house and amidst a trailing jolly crowds of people with the cacophony of drums in pomp and pageantry.

The dispersing crowd will now give chance to the couple for a night best described as RED NIGHT, the night of discoveries. That is the night of “he has undone her virgin’s girdle”. The night of finding her at her home. If the bride was disvirgined by her husband that night at cock crow, there will be whispering and the news will circulate fast within and beyond. Meanwhile, the bride had since left her husband’s house for her parents in the early hours of that morning. At the break of dawn, the women in the husband‘s house, after the leakage of the success of the previous night shall bundle the mat in which the couple slept on, her panties and any other material stained with the blood to her parent’s house. The parents being proud of her, shall welcome her warmly for doing them proud. As custom and traditions demand, she shall return to the husband’s house as soon as the husband pays some token of money. Her parents shall present the stained materials to all their relations for best wishes and blessings. This will attract noisy procession to the groom’s house, his room with fertility symbols, good wishes for the couple. If there is the means, there is the way, and so the girl’s parents in a sharp compliment will complement their daughter for doing them proud by stocking her bridal room with exotic possessions or trousseaux ranging from beddings, cutleries, assorted plates and table dishes, food stuffs, clothes etc. Her husband and his parents shall also be given some items as well.

Finally, the bride’s premier menstruation shall be celebrated. On the street, she will be accompanied with a lead-girl who will go with her, house to house, place to place, with the clothe of menstruation on the tray as they move around announcing her purity and now fully prepared to start marital life. Well wishers shall be pouring gifts on the tray while she genuflects in a corner anticipating gifts and the return of the lead-girl. This shall continue until she returns afterwards to the husband’s house to serve him better till the end of time.

As earlier stated, there is no claim of monopoly of knowledge, concerning this subject matter. The efforts made by using my village natal Abise (Abinsi) is to bring to lime light in a nutshell what is claimed to be  trending as regards courtship, betrothal and marriage as it relates to taking a bride in a given Jukun Wanu domain for instance.

Awapyio woo dada kida

Kpayi go le lee, ayi lewa go-ga

Gabu baya woo I hwo ya ndo damishi lama